"If writers possess a common temperament, it's that they tend to be shy egomaniacs; publicity is the spotlight they suffer for the recognition they crave." Gail Caldwell, from her book "Let's Take The Long Way Around"

"To look life in the face, always to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. . .always the years. Always the love. Always the hours." From the movie "The Hours", based on the book of the same name by Michael Cunningham

"Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly." Baz Luhrman, "Everybody's Free (to wear sunscreen)"

"A writer can do nothing for men more necessary, satisfying, than just simply to reveal to them the infinite possibility of their own souls." Walt Whitman

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant or talented?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” Marianne Williamson

Friday, September 3, 2010


How many places have you lived in?  Not cities but buildings, structures, homes.  Did you move around a lot as a child?  Did you stay in one place until you struck off on your own? 

I was thinking tonight, on my way home, about the house that Deril and I just had to move out of, are still in the process of moving out of.  We lived there for 5 years, rented it, loved it - our 1700 square foot home, with a great kitchen and beautiful pool.  We loved it like it was our own.  And then we found out in May by official notice from the trustholder that it is up for auction and in active foreclosure.  Our landlord never called us back, never told us, and the sad thing is that he was a friend who promised to never do us wrong.  Well, friend, you done us wrong, just by not talking to us.

I've kind of been in denial about the whole thing.  That's my modus operendi in general:  when faced with a problem, power through it, see the bright side and move forward and continue seeing the bright side until you actually believe there is a bright side.  There are some bright sides to our move, but I think a part of me still believes I might go back to living in that house.

I've lived in family houses in nice family communities, urban condos, ghetto apartments, a motel, a dorm, a fancy house on a hill, "luxury" apartments, a quaint studio apartment and a sweet duplex on "Sweet Way".  All my life I've imagined that if I only lived in the right house, the perfect house, the house unscathed by the filth and disappointment of reality, that everything would be fine.  I have been disappointed and broken-hearted over my dwelling so many times.

Right now, and for the past 13 years, home has been mostly for me, in my husband's arms, the safest place I know, the most comforting.  While that will always be partly true, I am realizing that home is not exactly where the heart is, but in one's heart, inside one's very being, the deepest part of one's self.  I don't know where that is yet, but it's the journey I'm on.  In the meantime, I will nest and decorate and find my glass half-full, as always, in this new place we call home.


  1. Aaron and I really enjoyed this, because I'm sure many people feel the same way.

  2. Thanks,Kristy and Aaron, for following me on my journey!